Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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