yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
