More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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