goodnight i made you a song goodbye
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
