And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
