You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
