bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
