yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
