Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Randomize