why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
