the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
