i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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