He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
