He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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