Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I am spending my child support on dildos
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
