i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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