I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize