is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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