do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
