The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
