She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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