Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
