I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
