do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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