If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
