Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
