PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
is wine microwaveable?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
