Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
