Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
