I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
