cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
No subtext here. People are naked.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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