I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize