I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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