He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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