Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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