my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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