Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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