he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
