you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
