Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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