so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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