Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
