2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
