Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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