I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
