Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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