Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
