People with herpes should wear stickers.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
