I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
