can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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