Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
