Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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