I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Randomize
