My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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