Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
