I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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