I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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