no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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