So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
