Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
