i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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