The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
