We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
