We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
