Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
