Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My vagina is officially offended.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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