I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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