She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
