I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Randomize
