My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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